Please just shoot me now...

I don't know if it's just a fluke or I am just noticing it more now (like when I got my Mustang...I never noticed them before, but now I notice them EVERYWHERE...it just made me more aware), but characters with heart problems like mine keep popping up whether it's on TV or in a book. Week before last, the entire episode of ER was about people with heart problems. They had a camp at the hospital for kids that have heart problems and the one girl had an ICD...and yes...even in fiction you could see the bloody thing clearly...I don't care how big my chest is...these babies ain't gonna cover that shit! Screw that. Oh yeah...and it shocked her (turns out it was a false alarm) and it sent her to the ground. Then I was reading this book that I figured was going to be fun light reading. Oh noooo...midway through the book the main character's sister got a heart condition and then she died in the end waiting on a transplant that she didn't want. Can't we put warnings on things?! Seriously! I won't say which book it is so as not to ruin it for people who want to read it. I'm glad I didn't suggest this one for book club...I almost did! It wasn't very well written either.

Change of subject...

So my mother wants the ENTIRE house painted and no one else wants to paint and since I am painting what is going to be my room then I am stuck doing the rest too. I painted my ceiling and T taped off my room and helped me take the trillion nails out of the walls and start readying the rest of the house for painting. I have a five gallon bucket of primer, but I have to find someone to take it out of the car for me. I'm not finished taping off or cleaning the windows and walls and I am already so flipping sore and exhausted!! I bought five or six rollers hoping for help, but none has come. My neighbor here is going to help me tomorrow. She's good at painting! But there are a lot of walls!!!! And they ALL have to be primed first!!

So...yesterday I was trying to take the verticals down in the office. I have the screw driver and I'm up in the window and I just glance at the actual window and there is something at the top staring in at me...at first I think it's a lizard, but then I freak out...it's a flipping snake staring in the window at me!!!! I scream like a girl and then go get my mother and T...it's still there when we get back. We knock on the window at it, tap the screw driver on the window at it, but nooooo it doesn't care...it just watches us and stays there watching and lurking for about another half an hour. I guess it finally got tired or hungry and left. Then I saw this ginormous lizard outside. It's HUGE!!!! It's reddish, and is as round as a half dollar, has a creepy head like a snake, but has feet. I have been told it is a skink, but dang...what the hell is up with all of these reptilian critters???!!! I am never going outside again!!!! The only reptilian critters that don't bother me much are Alligators...they aren't slithery and you can actually see them. Ewww.

So I am completely exhausted, sore as hell, still not looking forward to moving into this dump (I am working on my Jiffy Store feet for that full on redneck experience...still have to put the christmas lights on the front porch and pick up a pink flamingo for the front yard...and I even have the Ford now and rednecks love Mustangs, so I guess that's the next best thing to a big ole truck).

So...please just shoot me now and put me out of my misery!

I made a decion finally!

I picked paint colors! For the bathroom, I have chosen "Pineapple" which is a light yellow that will match the natural light wood of the sink cabinet and the bamboo flooring. I think I'm going to try to use bamboo for baseboards.

For the bedroom, I have chosen "Yacht Club Blue" (then I will go join the Cedar Key Yacht Club! Haha...for those of you not from here...there is no such thing...perhaps a redneck yacht club full of air boats!). It's a bright blue, but not dark or overly loud. I am going to put up some white crown moulding and then put white moulding around the windows. At Home Depot or Lowes I found non-expensive crown moulding that is made out of a PVC material instead of solid wood making it MUCH less expensive. It doesn't really look that much different either.

I hope it all comes together well. Ugh! So much work!!! Just the Wal-Mart trip to buy the paint and supplies wore me out! I have to go take a nap now before I have to go back out later for dinner. I NEED my energy and stamina back!! Grr!!

Happy Friday everyone!!

Decorating ideas?

Well, it's official...my mother signed the papers yesterday, so she bought the place. Ugh. I am so not excited, if you can't tell! It's fairly spacious (though I have nowhere near as much room as I have now...I'm going to be severely cramped!), but it's from the 70's and has ugly paneling and I hate hate hate paneling. It's one of my peeves...up there with slow drivers!

I'm having trouble deciding what to do with my room. I already have my bathroom planned. I have the second smaller bathroom, but I found a sink that I really love with a matching vanity. It's currently sitting in the living room because we are still cleaning the new place and getting all new flooring. I found a flooring for my bathroom that I LOVE! It is textured (it's from a spa line or something) and looks like bamboo!! It's great!! I'm going to paint the walls in the bathroom a light yellow (not pastel, but not bright in your face either).

Here's a picture of my sink cabinet:

I still don't know what to do with my room. It has the ugly dark paneling. I thought about making my own duvet cover and decorating around that, but by the time I buy all the fabric I may as well go buy a new comforter! It's a vicious cycle! I want something fresh and calming (I so need that!...along with some Grey Goose, but it's still in the cabinet...haven't read the restrictions of my new med yet, but I'm still supposed to "limit" whatever that means).

I thought about painting the room a citrus green, but I'm not sure how that would be. I've never been a big green fan and my family has never been a big fan of color...our houses tend to resemble a psych ward...everything WHITE WHITE WHITE. My mother has no imagination whatsoever...she still thinks the velvet tassled lamp shades from the 70's are still pretty and cool...I apparently have no taste. Don't get me wrong, I am a big fan of retro, but there is a point where it's just plain tacky! I've always wanted to paint my room a bright blue, but wouldn't I get sick of it?! I don't know!! It's so hard!!!! I like the look of the tans and browns, but I'm trying to get away from the depressing colors that are already there. The carpet I am having put in is called "honey silk" so it's a tannish color...that way anything is going to work with it.

Anyone have any suggestions? I'm so at a loss. I thought about wallpaper, but it's expensive and there is so much to do that I want to try paint first...I can always wallpaper over it.

Anyone is free to come help fix up the place too! :) hehe So many people were, "oh! we'll come help" yadda yadda yadda...haven't seen them.

Packing has been very hard on me and I haven't done much yet. Getting tired so easily, sucks so very badly.

Moving cont'd...

I have started the packing. It hasn't been a whole lot. Yesterday I packed up my desk and a box of CD's and DVD's. Sadly, even taking a light box out to the living room to stack it made me short of breath. I don't know how I will get through it all and it doesn't help that I am not at all excited about it...it just depresses me more.

But, whatever...I'm not going to whine...I wouldn't want to bother someone by reminding them that I am not 100% and am still limited in what I can and can't do. I am getting really tired of people telling me how I should feel or act. I know it's not very healthy, but I'm getting to the point where I just don't want to talk to anyone and I would like to just pack up and move away from here. I can't take it anymore. I really need to just cut the negative, non-supportive, and bossy (that doesn't include my one friend who is bossy to everyone by nature) people out and not talk to them anymore. It's not good for me...I talk to them and then I am in a pissy mood for hours and get upset...which then leads to chest pains if I can't get control of it and calm down. I'm also getting to the point where I'm just so over everything that I don't care anymore and I just feel like getting rid of EVERYTHING. I am just so apathetic these days. I don't even care about shopping. I spent the entire day in Gainesville shopping on Sunday and all I bought was a CD that I didn't even know if I wanted to buy (I did want the CD...just didn't know if I wanted to buy it if that makes sense) with a gift card I got for my birthday.

Anyhow. I'm still not sure what to do with my room. I ordered a tan-ish carpet so it will go with whatever I choose. I think I want something cheerful (to help offset the oft-pissy mood). Something either slightly beachy/palm tree or with crisp, calming, and cheerful color. Those colors will also match my bathroom. My mother bought my sink/cabinet and vanity today. It's a light natural wood color and the doors are the slotted ones (think shutters)...it's very Tommy Bahama feel and I am getting a flooring for the bathroom that is slightly textured and looks like bamboo. I'm a little excited about the bathroom.

As I was looking at my apron fabric I got a good idea. I don't have the patience or a quilting machine to make myself a comforter, but what I can make in about an hour would be a duvet cover!! I could then have a couple of options that I could change out. I was actually thinking that my favorite apron fabric (the green paisley) would make a really pretty duvet and brighten up the room. I also found a pretty damask on Sunday that has a really pretty citrus green pattern on a white background. I don't know!!!!

Moving

It looks like it's going to happen after all. My mother is closing on her new place on Wednesday and they have already started cleaning up the place. I'm not looking forward to it...my new room is basically the size of my freakin' shoe closet now!!! Ugh!! I just finished the stupid shoe closet too!!! I'm not even going to go into it...it gave me chest pains for four days when I first saw the place. It's just so frustrating not being able to go back to work. I sure hope the cardiac rehab helps!!!

I'm really worried about my cat, though. He's never lived anywhere else and he is very finnicky! I guess as long as I am with him, he'll be ok though. Mom used to bring him to the high school my senior year (Mrs. Barnes begged for him) and Wal-Mart in her purse when he was a kitty, but that was a LONG time ago and he didn't stay that social and calm for long. He'll be 12 years old in August.

Ugh! It's inevitable I guess...

...and I am not happy about it at all! We are moving. To a place I think is a dump as is and my mother is so flipping wishy washy about what changes she's going to make. She is almost through with the process...loan secured and signed, contract signed, ...just waiting for closing which will be within the next two weeks. At least the Brownstone in Ann Arbor was nice and historic once Molly Maid got finished with it. I think that perhaps this place is still infested with hippies and is not what I would call historic...just old. It looks like a bunch of hippies vomited in the place!

The only two good things I can say about this place, well three...It's next door to my favorite Grandma, one of my crazy friends and it's somewhat closer to town. I'm just so completely annoyed. I like my nice clean room and huge closets!! The room I am supposed to live in has paneling and I HATE paneling! I haven't figured out what to do about that. I can't just paint it because then you'll still see the grooves and I HATE the grooves. I thought of damask wallpaper, but now I don't know if I'll be able to afford that right away. Grr. I thinking a neutral damask wallpaper or getting that paintable wallpaper and painting it a bright white and bright blue. I want something clean and comfy to make up for the craptastic rest of the place.

I just don't need the stress. I'm going to end up having a flipping heart attack and it will be all her fault for putting this stress on me right now!! She gets these stupid ideas in her head and then it has to be her way RIGHT THEN. Her thing now is apparently wanting to own her own place. She's old and doesn't take care of herself or her health conditions...she'll be dead before she pays it off! It just pisses me off and I can't even really stand to be around her anymore without being completely disgusted. And I apparently can't up my meds yet because I am having problems with my blood pressure getting too low and almost passing out. $@&* I go back to the cardiologist in a couple of weeks. There better be good news because I am freaking tired of living like this...it's not living at all actually.

Black and White Damask Wallpaper

Here's the Black and White Damask that I found. The room is on the small side (at least what I am used to) and has one long wall that is basically closet and the only "whole" window still has a window I think, so I'm debating whether or not doing the entire room with this will be too much or not. The walls I have seen with Damask really don't look as busy when they are on the wall, but I don't know. I'm usually pretty adventurous, but this wallpaper isn't that cheap...apparently damask is some sort of contemporary luxury paper or something...I think it's just an excuse to charge more if you ask me, but they didn't. But with the whole room done in this, it also brings into play the wall decoration aspect too. I wanted to put up a couple of the frames with multiple 4x6 pics of friends, etc. and then black and white pics/art. I want simple, clean, and non-cluttered. Yeah...I know...that would be a miracle for me, but what can I say?! Haha

Weekend randomness...

I had a pretty good weekend. I was able to spend both days with friends, which I don't seem to get to do very often lately it seems. Yesterday was the Collector's Fair at the Museum of Natural History and Mark was showing his pig collection. I am also a big fan of the floaty pen collection. I've seen most of the collections before. Some of them are just strange...potato mashers, spatulas, and many other random things! I also went to see Valkyrie. It wasn't too bad even though I hate war movies of pretty much any kind. It had Tom Cruise, so that redeemed it. :)

I also went to Lowe's and looked at wallpaper and paint samples. Teresa just painted a room in her house and it looks amazing! But that's not why I was looking. So...I'm not even going to go into it, but it looks like there is a chance (probably pretty darn close to 100%) that we will be moving to a place closer to town. I am so unbelievably not happy about it or the place, but my mother will own it and I guess when she kicks the bucket I can bulldoze the place and build something better. Anyhow, it's a long story and to make it short...the move is going to happen and I am so pissed off about it that it gives me chest pains. It's not ideal and my space is going to be probably at least 1/4 of what I have now...probably closer to an eighth. Anyhow...the place has lots of paneling and I ABHOR paneling with such a passion!! So...I was thinking of wallpapering my room...no don't think ugly doctor's office...think black and white damask (the black and white part of my blog background). I'm thinking that or papering it with that "blank canvas" stuff that covers the grooves and all, but can then be painted...or I may get my brother to cover it with the plaster stuff and then painting it. The room is tiny...about the size of my current office. My books are going to have to go in storage...probably shoes too. :( Color wise I am thinking of a dark/bright blue...probably with white trim. I want something happy and clean feeling. Or I thought of soft colors with happy black and white pics...kind of French romantic, but I'm leaning towards the blue or the b/w damask wallpaper.

With my bathroom I am pretty sure I want to to the bottom half with white wainscotting (spelling?) and either a light yellow paint on the top or a light yellow and white stripes on top.

Feeling better

I am thankfully feeling better. I haven't been feeling well for the past few weeks and my blood pressure bottomed out Sunday night and I almost passed out in the kitchen. I had also been having chest pains, but thankfully they have gone away because I did not want to call my cardiologist!! The chest pains were likely caused by stress, but they are still chest pains and are not a good thing when you have heart failure.

I'm supposed to avoid stress (??!!). How to avoid stress I do not know except for locking myself in a padded room with no contact from the outside world! My mother is looking to buy her own place so she can be closer to town or some crap like that. Personally, I prefer not having neighbors up my ass. Also, this place is a good third the size of the place we live now. Where might I ask am I supposed to store my books and shoes??!! I am so pissed off about this place that I got the chest pains, so I guess I'll have to try not to think about it and try and deal with it when the time comes. Not to mention the fact that I absolutely abhor this place!! I think she's out of her cotton pickin' mind!! I sure hope my doc can get my ejection fraction up faster (though after Sunday night I don't get we'll be upping my other heart pill dosage for a little while), so I can get back to work and get the hell out of dodge!

The whole situation just irks me so badly that I can't even stand to talk to her or be around her. This isn't the kind of stress I need right now. And who might I ask is going to do the packing? I am most certainly not up to that...or the massive cleaning the place needs...I kindly suggest a bulldozer or a wrecking ball and get it done with all in one swift pull of a lever or whatever it takes. ;)

I guess I need to change her ringtone on my cell back to AC/DC's "Highway to Hell." :-P

Ok...that's enough of my ranting for tonight. I'm just happy I'm feeling better and I am not going to dwell on the other stuff now because I don't want the chest pains to come back and be sure to have the internal defibrillator conversation with my cardiologist earlier than my March appointment.

It is freakin' freezing!! My poor kitty is curled up next to me with his ears and paws tucked into me!! He's a huge fuzzbull, but his poor little ears and paws get cold.